Though my doctor and surgeon is not so good at listening, at this point, I intend to go in tomorrow, at least to talk, and to likely have imaging done. I will be prepped for surgery in order to have the imaging, so I know there will be a lot of pressure to go forward with it. It may even be for the best. At this point, its hard to say.

Today has been and up and down day in regards to pain. My milk supply is definitely significantly lower — and that’s always sad. We had to supplement with donated milk earlier today and likely will again when she wakes from her nap.

I really think I have something going on like pyelonephritis or glomeronephritis. It’d be great if it was a simple UPJ obstruction, but I just don’t see how that alone addresses all that’s going on. I just hope it isn’t autoimmune in nature. I do think natural medicine could cure it. I am curious to see what the imaging says. My guess is that if the right kidney appears swollen, the left will, too. They vie constantly for my attention.

More fish oils, some vit-d, cranberry and lemon juice are in my near future. Nothing, not even water, after midnight. And a shower with a hideous, surgical antibiotic soap. The appt is scheduled for 8 am. I will be bringing my breast pump and will pump in the waiting room and wherever I can (during the procedure, if i could.) Joe and Adahlia will be in attendance. I am not sure how long the whole ordeal will be — every hour without pumping will further endanger my supply. I must do it as often as humanly possible.

Adahlia. Adahlia has looked better, and clearly has felt better. Joe will have a rough go of it tomorrow at the hospital. She is very needy, very easily upset, and rather waxy looking. She resists sleep but her naps stretch … and stretch. She loses her balance easily and several times a day her muscles just seem to give out underneath her. It’s very upsetting to everyone when that happens.

She does, however, really enjoy her little organic rice and fruit puffs. If I hold out a little, dime-sized star-shape to her, she will bite off one of its points with her tiny sharp teeth. The puffs are very easy to mash and dissolve. Her puckered lips and far away look of inner fascination with all the sensations in her mouth is unbearably adorable.

Perhaps my absolute favorite thing about Adahlia right now is not the gentle little open-mouth kisses she gives (kind of like a fish blowing bubbles; they are delightful treasures), but what happens when we lean our heads together, so that our foreheads touch. We both just kind if melt away into light. We pull apart, smiling and a little bit high. We look in each others eyes, she giggles, and I feel surging elation and an all-encompassing peace. We are old, old friends.