Forgive this post, for it is mostly about me, not Adahlia.

I am still slated for the rescheduled kidney surgery, to place a stent in my right ureter, on Friday. Today, I had a remarkable acupuncture appt with Dr Hood. It felt immediately much better afterwards, but now the pain creeps back in, on both sides.

As I arrived home from the appt, I received a call from my surgeon. She had called to campaign for the surgery, and to apologize for being out of touch, as her mother had passed. (I told her I was very sorry to hear it.) The surgeon pressed on, talking about my options for the surgery. I asked her if there was any chance she thought I could postpone. She asked why I thought it would get better on its own, stressing that the right kidney has a structural issue (UPJ obstruction) that needs a stent. I replied that the pain comes and goes bilaterally, and that the swelling has come and gone as seen on imaging, and that I was doing things like a kidney flush.

At this point, she lost it. She literally began yelling at me for doing a kidney cleanse and for using natural and Chinese medicine. Angrily, nearly shouting, she said that herbs are dangerous, that she didn’t know “why people don’t ask us if they have questions,” and that “we have the answers.”

I nearly hung up at such an obvious fallacy. If she or anyone else had been able to give me any clear answers, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

She continued on, barely stopping to breathe, dismissing my reluctance or concerns regarding surgery, insisting that stents save kidneys and prevent dialysis.

Now, Im sure they do, but why put unnecessary foreign objects in the body? All I was trying to do was to get a feel on how necessary surgery truly is for me. After all, my pain has come and gone for over a year. Is it do or die time? Or can I try to resolve it with more visceral manipulation and natural measures? If the right ureter is partially occluded, why does the left kidney sometimes have more pain than the right? I’m not saying that there isn’t a crossing vessel or other obstruction- the doctor who did the visceral manipulation perceived one, too. (And supposedly, he rectified that.) But what if the blockage allowed some sort of toxin or pathogen to build up in my kidneys? All I’m saying is that I think the picture is a bit bigger, and I don’t feel comfortable having surgery when there are aspects of my case that don’t fit the explanation, or when the answer only addresses some of the picture. I don’t like not feeling listened to.

That’s what got me and Adahlia in this mess in the first place — no one listened when I said something was wrong, and then once stuff got real bad, suddenly folks think they know, and have the answer, but then they still don’t really listen.

Or, am I being childish? Foolish? Do I need the friggin stents? Or will it only cause more trauma, more inflammation in an already delicate area?

Because if I do the surgery, it had better be worth it. I shouldn’t breastfeed Adahlia for at least 24 hrs afterward, and she doesn’t tolerate that very well. (In fact, after the CT scan with contrast dye, I ended up having to breastfeed her just an hour later, and I was hoping to wait 12-24. But she was hysterical when I got home, had been that way for over an hour, and refused to take a bottle from me. There was nothing else to do but breastfeed her, and I still feel bad about that, even though supposedly the dye is safe. And to make it worse, the CT scan was practically useless, because the dye had not made it to the ureters before they took the pictures. All that trouble and heartache and exposure of Adahlia to dye in my milk… Practically worthless. I don’t want a repeat event.)

I’m sure my surgeon is simply stressed, especially as her mother has just died.
But the question remains: do i need this or not?

I don’t know. I do know I didn’t like being yelled at and talked at as though I were unintelligent. To her credit, she did end up apologizing, saying that she is concerned for me, and that’s why she talked to me in such a tone. And I do believe her. But part of me also can’t help but wonder if shes really thinking dispassionately, especially since she’s consulted with her colleagues, they are so certain that all I need is a stent, and I will be fine. I sense she’s got a lot invested in me. Is some of that investment her pride? Doctor knows best?

Sigh.

I have no idea what I will do.

I have taken a drastic action, though, to see if it works, if it cuts my pain and helps me say no to surgery. Back in January, before I knew it would reduce milk production, I brewed and drank some fresh parsley tea. I did notice my supply drop, and we had to work hard again to get it back up. But my kidney pain went down to nothing. I assume it helped me void. (Its really hard to say without imaging.)

Adahlia still breastfeeds… She maybe gets 20-25% of her nutrition from baby foods, but she prefers milk. She’s just been kind of slow to take to the idea of eating. I definitely don’t want to wean her when she’s not ready. I don’t want the parsley tea to end breastfeeding for us. And it is a powerful weaning agent, used to dry up the milk supply after the baby is weaned.

But I think I need to try it again. So I drank about a half cup an hour ago and will drink another half cup or so in a bit. I will just have to be diligent about pumping and feeding her as often as possible in the next 48 hours, and hopefully the stimulation will be enough to keep the milk flowing. And of course, take some lactation tonic herbs, too.

Another gorgeous, sunny, warm Portland day!

We just got back from a hike with our friends, their beautiful 12 year old pitbull, and adorable 5 month old son. He was fascinated with Adahlia, who kept him entertained with a stream of baby vocalizations.

She did really great on the hike; Joe and I took turns carrying her. She stayed awake the entire time and seemed to enjoy herself. Now, she naps.

I feel better after the hike, too – my right kidney had been hurting at a dull throb since I woke up. It still feels a little heavy, but I think the movement was helpful.

And there is just nothing like a hike on the trails through Forest Park. So much wild beauty in our city’s backyard! It’s a phenomenal treasure.

We are at that tricky time, over 2 weeks post transfusion, when she’s starting to look a little wan or waxy, especially in the mornings… And I wonder how much is real and how much I’m obsessing. It’s so hard because I am both mother and practitioner. I can’t help but notice what my eye is trained to observe, and with my own child, its observations too easily become worries. Acknowledging my observations and releasing the worry, anxiety, and fear that threaten to take over is daily practice. Closer to transfusion, it becomes an hourly practice.

In moments like these, it’s important for me to focus my attention on my diaphragm. (Its movement is much freer since the visceral manipulation.) I visualize it like a bellows, pushing and swirling energies through me, drawing air into my lungs and coursing Qi through my entire being. As it moves, it carries out through my feet, root (pelvis), and breath all the unhelpful tensions and anxieties. Down it goes into the earth, where she recycles it and uses it as energy to help plants grow. I visualize my center glowing brightly, its fire fueled by my breath, its flames steady.

And then I am steady, centered, and clear, and able to be here, strong and present, for my family.

Its been a week or so since my last post.

A lot has changed… there have been significant improvements, I believe.

Adahlia is doing well. She clicks her tongue to talk to us, opens drawers, enjoys games of chase, and takes the spoon from us to feed herself organic pureed veges and fruits and blends, and even hands the spoon back to us so we can give her more. She is attentive, inquisitive, and strong. Her inclination for music is as strong as ever – rocking her body to music, reading picture books together, feeding herself, taking baths and showers, and being outside in the backyard, are some of the things she really loves. She gets very excited to do any of them.

She is taking two doses of chinese herbs a day, usually, sometimes only one. I estimate she is getting about 1/3 of what we had intended to give her. But dosage is an interesting and much debated subject in chinese herbal medicine, and at least she is getting something. I’ve been able to give her some very good moxa treatments while she naps recently, using a higher quality moxa, and I believe she is responding to them.

Last Friday, I gave us both a bath in water mixed with a cup of bentonite clay. She was constipated the next day, and spent an uncomfortable day and night. Clearly, it was too much for her. So, the next morning, we took a warm bath in about a cup of magnesium sulfate (epsom salts), because magnesium draws water into the intestines. Happily, the situation resolved there, in the bathwater, and she was fine the rest of the day. I had intended to give her a bentonite bath twice a week, but it might be more like every 5-7 days. I will have to experiment to find the best dose – perhaps 1/2 cup of clay with 1/4 cup of epsom salts.

The bentonite should be able to pull out any toxins, pathogens, or heavy metals that might be in her system, the environmental toxicity or pathogen that I believe is causing the expression of the DBA gene. I am also taking bentonite internally at night every couple days, and am making sure to increase my water intake, as well as to take my prenatal and fishoil vitamins in the morning, just in case of any absorption issues.

Yesterday, or perhaps it was the day before, she had an absolutely fantastic poop. Poop is a big topic amongst natural medicine practitioners because it is one of the best indicators of the health of an animal. And yes, while I know that many “experts” say the poop of a breast-milk fed infant varies, her poop has historically not been healthy. Too liquidy. Too much mucus. Strangely colored (bright yellow, bright orange, even green). Much, much too stinky. Well, we’d noticed for a few days that her poop wasn’t stinky anymore. And then yesterday, it was not only practically odorless, but it was this fantastic smooth, creamy peanut butter consistency. Healthy poop! Hooray!!!!

Last Thursday, I saw Dr. Tom T, who does visceral manipulation. It was absolutely amazing. I felt so much better after his work on my kidneys and liver, after they were freed up and moving as they should. Today, we had a follow-up. He was very surprised, and said repeatedly, “you are a very healthy individual.” He was not expecting me to heal so much between the two visits, and sent me away today after our appointment saying I was good to go. (He had told me he anticipated 3-4 visits). The blood flow to my right kidney is better, my diaphragm moves more freely, my kidneys and liver now move with my breath (as they should – they were stuck), and in general, it just feels like there is more room for everything now that everything is in its proper place.

On Sunday I was able to receive a PHENOMENAL acupuncture treatment from my mentor, Dr. Brenda Hood. She is a truly amazing acupuncturist. At one point, it literally felt as though someone had placed those paddles used for restarting a heart on my right kidney – it nearly made me jump off the table. It was a very strong, very therapeutic treatment. For about two hours afterwards, I felt as though cured. I had tons of energy and zero pain. Then, I crashed, and needed a nap. Its okay — most animals in need of healing naturally sleep more — and this sort of burst of energy and/or extraordinary fatigue is a healing pattern I’ve seen in my own patients.

There is still some discomfort in my back and flanks, but that’s because structure is probably only part of the issue at play. The dregs of something still needs cleaned out, and I feel I need alot of rest and restoration on a very deep level. I also think I do better when we regularly drink a glass of juiced carrots, celery, beets and apples (a glass a day). I think it helps nourish or support my overall health, so more energy can go towards healing my kidneys.

Dr. T also took a look at Adahlia, and pronounced her very strong, very energetically sensitive, and very healthy. Like most who see her, he was very smitten. He found her to be a remarkable little person and was highly impressed, but also at a loss for her red blood cell issue. He simply couldnt see anything wrong with her from his perspective, and in fact, thought her amongst the healthiest, and brightest (in spirit) of children.

Perhaps, as I’ve improved so much in the past week, she is improving too. We are 2 weeks from her last transfusion tomorrow, and she looks alright. We are prepared for the start of her decline and a need to transfuse her, but we also feel that it is possible that she is better. Mentally, emotionally, socially, and energetically, she is great. She is very communicative, very affectionate, and not nearly as fearful. She recovers quickly from disappointments and has even displayed extraordinary patience. She is well coordinated, likes to play and be mischevious, and learns quickly. She clearly understands some basic words, like “water,” “milk,” “no,” “wait,” “come,” and “more.” When she wakes after a nap, she doesn’t always start to cry, sometimes she just calls out for me to come get her, and she doesnt cry in her sleep nearly as much. She breastfeeds much better than she ever did before. Its wonderful – absoluetly beautiful – and I am so happy we have it. And, while it is only the second time that she has ever had such a healthy poop, I find it very encouraging.

With all this good news, I must be honest in that yesterday was very difficult for me. I had a resurgence of pain in both kidneys and it was really disheartening. I felt SO good over the weekend and I am really wanting to be better, and have this whole ordeal behind us, that it was quite the blow. But perhaps I exerted myself too much, because I did feel so much better, and today, I took it easier – I napped with Adahlia and took a couple hours off from caring for her, and let Joe help me more.

In sum, our journey isn’t over but we are doing much better, and we are actually quite healthy aside from our strange disease, and we are very, very determined to heal. Luckily, we are in the right city to do it, and I happen to have the education, resources, and skills necessary for healing mysterious illness. As appointments with other professionals wane, my own treatments of Adahlia and myself continue. We are getting better – its just a couple steps forward, and one step back. We just have to keep at it.

Thank you so much for your continued support. Thank you for your laughter, your prayers, your love, and light!

Sorry about that…

But no one is sorrier than I to realize I was wrong, and that the initial report I saw in my inbox, saying her results were normal actually is some sort of confusing, terrible code for abnormal, as her actual full report says she does, in fact, have the RPS26 gene mutation.

Id be lying if i said this didnt disappoint and sadden me. And lies are not the purpose of this blog; there is strength in truth.

We still pray for the spontaneous healing recovery that 20% of children experience. We are grateful for your well wishes and prayers and light and love.

Holy schmoly.

I just got the lab result stating that the confirmation test for DBA is NEGATIVE.

I haven’t had the opportunity yet to speak with her doctors, but this is a cause for celebration!!

And some mystifying concern.

WHY isn’t she making red blood cells then?

More and more people are talking to me about toxin exposure. It makes me feel awful that somehow I might have unwittingly exposed us to something during our wonderful pregnancy, but I cannot see any other explanation than toxin or virus for our bizarre health complications.

I am strongly considering using bentonite clay (taken internally, myself) and giving her baths in it. It is good at removing heavy metals, and this it may also help remove the iron building up in her system from transfusions, though that is just my conjecture.

I am also on the prowl again for a naturopath that is a specialist in infants and/or complex conditions. I want to do another workup of her nutritionally, and be sure they follow up on it this time.

In other news, I was told told not to worry, yet, about her liver enzymes, as they can also spike during a viral infection, and also not to worry about the glucose in her urine, which may likely be due to the IV fluids she received. Tests to get better numbers will be repeated when she is healthy and back at the hospital again for transfusion.

Pain and swirling in my kidneys has gone down and intensified. I have chosen to push back the surgery by 2 weeks, and can’t go back on it now. That’s ok. I am going to see a specialist in visceral manipulation and hopefully he can help it to drain.

Meanwhile, I saw Tami Kent yesterday, who does pelvic release work. It was phenomenal; I cannot say enough good about it. It was profoundly healing of some past sexual trauma. Too many women, especially those in the military, have had to hide and constrict themselves, for fear of assault. Effects are myriad. I cannot recommend her (or if you live outside of Portland, one of her students, or, if nothing else, her books) highly enough. It is simply necessary to release oneself from stored memories of such incidents in the fascial layer, and allows one to come back into a fuller self.

In our session, she noted several very interesting things: one that I’m still not in my pelvis very much, or really, even in my body, (whether this is a cause of or result of my physical condition we don’t know), and second, that the “river” that flows down from the womb to the pelvis and earth is actually flowing backwards, or upwards, in me. Interesting, we both thought, given my kidneys swelling like they are.

She also sensed that energetically I hadn’t quite fully birthed Adahlia, as my life experiences had created misgivings about birthing someone I love into a dangerous and abusive world. (Both of us see a failure to make RBCs as a hesitation to fully embody one’s spirit in this world.) So we did some release work with the energy I still held in my womb, and a reaffirmation of some basic truths. I do notice a difference in her, and an even deeper level to our present relationship.

A beautiful and very challenging journey.

So I just found out from looking at the lab values from our visit to the ER that Adahlia’s liver enzymes are elevated, which indicates liver damage, and there is glucose in her urine, well above normal, which means the iron is getting overloaded into her system and is causing pancreas damage also. There are no ways to measure how much iron is being stored in and damaging her heart.

My surgery is scheduled for this Friday and I really, really don’t want to do it. Getting laid up and risking more inflammation is the last thing I need. It might be foolish, but I want to postpone it. Adahlia just got out of the ER, after all. I am seeing a great practitioner tomorrow who specializes in release work and trying to make an appointment for visceral manipulation with an expert in Seattle. Both of those appointments are for myself, but my hope is that we are so tied together that healing myself will heal her.

The question is, do I risk further kidney damage or do I have time to make this happen naturally?

Adahlia and I are both running out of time. We need a miracle.

In the meantime, she naps, so I will do qigong and energy work.

And I leave you with this prayer:

God, grant us courage, joy and the strength to trust in your plan for us.

I await my consult with cardiology (in 10 minutes) with curiosity.

My heart has felt increasingly better since the latest formula adjustment on Wedsneday (prior to that, since Saturday, I was supplementing my individualized Kidney supporting and Qi-moving formula with a couple known cardio-supportive herbal combinations to nourish the yin of my upper body, heart and lungs.) The latest adjustment was geared to match my body’s needs exactly.

Well, the ECG I just walked out of said my heart had bradycardia, with a marked sinus arrhythmia, which translates to “it beats slower than average folks, and has an uneven rhythm, which becomes more pronounced as I breathe.”

Such findings are considered within the bounds of healthy and normal and they are nothing new to me- its been like that at least the last 10 years.

In other words, my heart’s rhythm no longer looks like that of a 60 year old man prior to a heart attack.

Meanwhile, overall, my kidneys feel pretty great. There was some fairly strong pain in them this morning, but I realized I had forgotten to take my formula last night before bed, and I drank a lot of water and didn’t use the restroom all night, so maybe there was just some natural backup.

In general my energy and vitality is markedly improved since Wednesday, though my chest still feels a little tight and my lower abdomen has some very tight, tender points. My right kidney hurts only a little.

Did I mention I no longer tested positive in response to needing the extraordinarily kidney supportive herbs (Two Solstice Formula) on Weds? In other words, the fire has been reignited.

Also, I’m still encouraged about Adahlia. She looks like hell, and cries when set down for even an instant, and her poop is very unhealthy-looking, but I’m fairly certain she’s working out some sort of newly activated, hidden virus, and I’m hopeful that it is the mysterious source of her anemia.

I also don’t think it’s any coincidence that her vitality has improved enough to launch a full blown fever (for the first time ever) since we invited the medicine man send the dark spirit in our house back to God. She may be sicker, but she is more vital.

Please keep the prayers, love and light flowing. We feel it; we are healing; this story will be a triumph of love and integrative medicine.

Her Hb turned out to be 6.9, which means we needed to transfuse her.

The good news is that her neutrophils were up, and at normal level. She had been showing a slight neutropenia since about Oct, which is low white fighter cells, and that’s why we were told to come to the hospital when she had a fever of 101/102. They worry that if she doesn’t have enough neutrophils, that a bacteria or blood infection could become meningitis.

But, happily, her neutrophils were up, higher than they’d ever been, to a healthy person’s level, meaning that “when she needs them, she’s got them.” The bacterial cultures have all come back negative so far, so it could be viral (they dont typically test for viruses.). The doctor said that her neutrophils “must be hiding somewhere.” Currently, she is diagnosed with a FOUO – Fever Of Unknown Origin… Which of course, means absolutely nothing.

Now that doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. What does make sense to me is that we have been giving her herbs to flush out a latent virus in her bone marrow. That most potent herb in her formula, she no longer needs. Now the virus is out in her system, causing fevers. (She had a fever of up to 103.6 last night). Her diapers look like viral poo diapers. She looks sick. (Plus, she’s cutting teeth again – her top front teeth are cutting through.)

Now, with my knowledge of natural and oriental medicine, I know how important fevers are. They are the vital energy response of the body towards flushing out pathogens. It’s really not a good thing to suppress vitality. There have been thoughts that Tylenol and antibiotics in my generation, as children, have led to people with an overall lower body temperature, and less vital force when it comes to getting sick.

So, since we know that her neutrophils are good, and she had plenty of red blood cells now, and she got a hefty dose of IV antibiotics at the hospital at 3 am yesterday, I felt less concerned about her high fever last night around 9 pm. I knew that fevers peak at night and that it can happen for several days in a row, and its nothing to be alarmed at in the healthy person until its over 104 or even 105. She was still drinking milk and was sleeping, albeit fitfully.

So I called the hospital to let them know the situation, just in case, and they agreed with my plan. We put her in cooler pajamas and bathed her head in a tepid moist washcloth, and I slept next to her, of course, like always, keeping a eye on her. We only veered from the hospitals recommendation in that I chose not to suppress her fever with Tylenol. I decided to let it run its course and keep an eye on her. I want the higher temp, after all, to help her clear out the virus.

It wasn’t our most restful night, but she’s up and smiling, though she still looks a bit ill. Her am temp was between 98-99.5.

This morning, we forced her to take her Chinese herbs. We hated doing it; its so hard. Especially because she was violated repeatedly yesterday, temperatures rectally and tylenol forced orally, and her limbs twisted and veins punctured repeatedly, fighting, crying, and alternating between what sounded like babbled screams and pleading. I swear, every time we go in for the last few months it has just gotten more and more traumatic for her. Its so incredibly hard.

Anyway, though we cringe at being yet another group of people violating her body and wishes, we are renewed in our belief that it is flushing something out of her, and that it may help her heal. So though I am sure she is starting to feel friendless in this cruel world, we have to do it. We need to make these transfusions unnecessary, before they start talking about giving her a port, or steroids, again. We want her to have a better quality of life than that, and while we are grateful for the technology, such options are our last resort.

Anyway, I will write again soon with better stories, stories about how amazing she is, about her silliness and progress.

And in my corner, I am happy to report that my echo looked normal. This means that my arrhythmia is still something non-physical in cause. It is the realm of Chinese and energy medicine. We can fix it; I know it.

…Doesn’t have quite the same ring as “back to the future” and while it involves high tech equipment and scientists, a delorian is no where to be found and unfortunately, none of these scientists are white-haired and mad.

Well, actually, after meeting another attending today, they might be wonky after all.

Adahlia wasn’t sleeping well. Irritable, tossing and turning. Was very warm. Too warm, for a baby we expect to need a transfusion today. Hot.

Ok, all joking and storytelling aside, she was 101.6 at home and admitted to the ER with a 102.9. She’s been given IV antibiotics and fluids and they have lab tests pending. Her temperature dropped to 100.2 last time they checked. It took them 7 – yes SEVEN – needle sticks to get a working IV and labs drawn. One on each hand, one each elbow crease, and twice on the same foot, and then again in the elbow crease.

When we know more, so will you.

Our love and light.

Tomorrow, Thursday:

7:30 am – I am having an echo of my heart
8:00 – Adahlia has an abdominal ultrasound to check her kidneys.
9:00 – 3 pm – IV and likely blood transfusion for Adahlia

Friday, I have labs and repeat EKG from last week and a cardio consult. (Another glorious afternoon in a hospital!) Adahlia will likely spend the day recovering from her transfusion.

The good news is that I feel better. My left arm still throbs, but mostly in the lung and pericardium channel, not the heart itself. The heart fluttering and pounding has greatly diminished. The pain is less. The sensation of squeezing or tightness in the chest is still there, but less intense.

Kidney pains come and go, ebb and flow. Mostly, though, they are less than they were on Monday, too. I work consciously at breathing into them.

The surgeon called today, wanting to cheerlead me into sticking with the plan to have surgery to drain my right kidney next Friday, under mild sedation, or even just under Vicodin, if my heart turns out to be a legit concern and anesthesia is too risky. She also said that the CT showed no left hydronephrosis, so that changes the differential diagnosis considerably, and that the situation is not nearly as serious as she made it out to be after the last ultrasound. She said that they think I have a vessel crossing in front of my right ureter – they couldn’t see it, but if its there, they think pregnancy caused it to put pressure on my ureter, causing swelling of my right kidney, and that it didn’t go down after delivery because the pressure kept the ureter swollen. Her plan remains to drain the kidney, place a stent to keep it open, remove the stent after a month, and then all my problems should be over (unless I get pregnant again, and then I should probably have surgery to move the vessel behind the ureter.)

It’s a great theory but it doesn’t explain why the right, severe hydronephrosis that had me in the ER suddenly dropped to mild status 3 weeks later, on its own, and then increased to severe again in april, or now, moderate-severe. Nor does it explain the milder fluctuation hydro (now absent) on the left.

The Chinese medical explanation (which isn’t very Chinese actually) is that a subclinical infection was triggered during pregnancy, came out of latency, began to wreck havoc in my kidneys and triggered inflammation processes, which created a sort of auto-immune situation as my body struggled to fight it.

The problem with this theory, of course, is that my urine remains clear and I am not showing clinical signs of autoimmune disease.

Yet it is possible, actually, that both theories are right, in that I may have a structural problem that didn’t become a problem until pregnancy, and it created conditions for a subclinical pathogen to grow in my kidneys, wrecking havoc in both my kidneys and now also my heart, as the organs are closely connected as part of a shared conformation.

While neither theory may be perfect, I favor the Chinese medicine explanation because it offers an explanation for all my symptoms as well as Adahlia’s, tying them together, and offers treatment that doesn’t involve surgery or drugs with serious side effects, where the other model sees each of our cases and even aspects of our individual cases as discrete and confounding issues that require rather invasive intervention.

I wish the two models talked together better, because my well intended surgeon is clearly concerned that the herbs Ive been taking for the kidneys are causing the heart issues, when I believe it is quite possible that the herbs are rooting out a toxin from my system, and that the formula simply needed some more balancing, nourishing herbs to support the heart. Besides, from the Chinese medicine perspective, my heart wasnt exactly strong going into pregnancy to begin with, and even western medicine had documented what they determined to be a benign sinus arrhythmia.

The surgeon also said that her concern is that in western medicine they understand which herbs are cardio toxic, and that herbal toxicity is not fully identified in Chinese medicine, and I’m not entirely sure that’s an accurate statement. The toxicity (and relative safety) of herbs is pretty well understood by experienced practitioners.

But, time will tell.

The great news is that Adahlia was reevaluated and doesn’t need to take the Qing Dai herb as part of her formula anymore, which means she’s subtly improving, that there’s less pathogen or toxin in her body than before. She’s been sleeping more and wanted to be held all day today, cried easily, but her color wasn’t the worst it’s ever been, and she was lively enough to play a little bit.

Anyway, its a big next few days for us. The countdowns have begun. Big decisions and bold moves must be made. Morale is higher than it was yesterday; I am not nearly as fatigued or in as much pain. And we’re still praying for divine assistance, trusting that we are being led through something extraordinary.

Oh wait. But of course we are:

Life!